5/21. School is hard, please please put me in a different class.

Today was hard. It had nothing to do with registration…in fact it was the first day I wasn’t hassled about getting it done/trying to figure out how and where on earth to do it. I got to sleep in which was beautiful, but as I left the house, I realized wearing heels was such a bad idea. I felt like I fit in a little better, and arguably looked a little nicer, but my comfort level was at an all time low.

Then I got to school and it went lower. I am in need of a beginner class. I like the people who are in my class, and my teachers for the most part, but I am really struggling picking up what is being taught. There are so many basics I have yet to learn, being in the group I’m in just makes me feel like I’m wasting time and incompetent.

I left class with Bennoit and Sul-ki who tried to make me feel a little better by re-stating that it’s a hard language and that I shouldn’t worry. I can grasp that it’s difficult; I just wish I hadn’t spent one of my precious weeks in a class way over my head.

Monday…Lets just hope Monday is better.

I’m going to try and explain something that used to be foreign to me. Throughout the past few years, when I would go abroad or was thinking about Vancouver for school, and then decided on Bar Harbor, I didn’t worry about how far away I was going or how it might effect my friendships/relationships. These places were just locations I had to go to because the universe or something was telling me that it was the right place right at that time. I thought it was silly to make those kind of big decisions based on what someone else was doing or wanted you to do. If I had to go, those who supported me would stay in contact and I with them. That was that.

I’ve never been away like this while being in a relationship. It changes everything. I am happy I’m here and know that what I come out of the experience with will be useful and wonderful and more than I could have imagined, but my heart still hurts when I can’t talk to him. Yeah… I can see why people make decisions with their significant others in mind. It completely affects your happiness, even if you are in your dream location.  

Also, don’t take this as me wanting to come home. I’m just saying my heart hurts sometimes. I’m…expressing myself.

Irina has/had her boyfriend over (I’m not sure anymore… I haven’t opened the door in a while….)

And on a school night too. Oh hell, I’ll just let the kids have fun.