7/2. "IT'S SOME KIND OF MIRACLE!!!"

Class began at 9 am today. We hurried through some genitive case exercises and then left for the metro at 10:45. We were going to the Balticka Beer Factory today! It took about an hour to get there (we needed to take the metro as north as the metro would take us) and then hopped on a bus to the factory. My mood today was probably as up and down as it’s ever been. I was tired, excited, sad, hyper, giggly, silly, boring… It continued all day, and depending on where we were, what we were learning, and who I was with, I was feeling one of the above emotions full force.

My favorite part of the tour was watching the little forklifts speeding around the giant storage space, beeping at each other and picking up boxes of beer. They looked like little bugs with headlights. This is when I was struck by a fit of laughter. There was something about it that reminded me of my best friend Jess, and knew she would be giggling just as uncontrollably as I was.

After the tour we were brought into a large restaurant space where we were treated to little meat and cheese sandwiches and a ton of beer. I sat at the table dubbed “LATIN AMERICA” and observed at least 15 toasts to various countries and people. As Max’s level of crudeness increased, I knew the time was approaching when our little party would be over. As we waited for the bus to get us at the factory, Max and I used the free Internet on my laptop. This was so convenient actually because I had some important emails to send and since Thursday was packed with activities and was really my only day to send them, I was worried I wouldn’t be able to. Everything worked out just fine as it always does in the end.

I finished my day at a McDonalds skyping with my Dad, Aunt El, and Meemaw. That was the most wonderful skype session. My Meemaw kept telling me how great I looked and that this Internet phone call was “some kind of miracle!!!” Ah how I miss home. I really am happy with the way my trip has turned out, but I still look forward to home as much as ever, even while I’m living in the moment and enjoying life here.

7/1. Paying it forward

Wednesdays are great because I get to sleep in. I woke up at 8, had breakfast and digested as I read in my bed for a few more hours. Class was productive and enjoyable (Wednesdays and Thursdays are with Tatyana who is awesome). There were two new students in class too, which is always exciting. Loris is maybe a little older than I am and lives close to Paris. Stef is Canadian and from the same Masters program at Carleton College as Kavin. No one really seemed endeavored to greet and meet the new girls, so I took that upon myself to do. Loris explained that she has a friend here who is sick. I think that has prevented her from going out more. She also comes off as a little distant, but that doesn’t means anything. She’s lovely and I’ll invite her out anyway. I know I unintentionally can come off as unapproachable too so I wouldn’t hold it against her. Stef is very chatty and sweet, so getting her to come out was a piece of cake.

After class Loris kind of booked it out of there, so I didn’t get to invite her out. I asked Stef if she wanted to come and get lunch with a few of us and she enthusiastically agreed. She told me how much she appreciated being invited out and being given advice. I told her a bit about my first few weeks and feeling really disoriented and alone and that the best advice I could give her would be to just stay positive and open to whatever this place threw at her. MAX, of all people, suggested the pie place I’d shown him Greg and Marta a few weeks ago. A handful of us, including Stef, walked the few miles to get there and enjoyed a little snack.

I headed home afterwards feeling good and like I could help Stef like Ann-Karin helped me my very first week. She’ll get comfortable and uncomfortable and I’ve no doubt will love and hate this place throughout her month here. It’s really incredible looking back on the last month and a half of my journey. My relationship with St. Petersburg has grown and matured in a way I didn’t think would be possible. I felt knocked down and sad a lot, but something always brought a smile back to my face. That something could have been the sun or Irina or my own ability to remain optimistic. My optimism has most definitely been tested here. It would be so easy to sink into a dark pit of depression. So easy, in fact, that it seems unfair and like there really isn’t much to keep you happy except for yourself. In deciding to accept and love the world as it is, and be happy doing it, I’ve found a close and reliable ally within myself. Naturally, having the support of my family and friends has helped immensely, but I feel stronger since being here. I feel wiser….maybe J

6/30. Irina outdoes herself with all the cuteness once again

This inability to enthusiastically apply myself has regretfully rubbed off on Max. We sat in the back of the room, wrote on each other’s notebooks, and laughed about things that weren’t that funny. I answered questions, we all took a quiz.  I kind of feel bad since he has to take a grammar test when he gets back to school and I just have to turn in my transcript from my course here. That fact makes me feel less guilty when I stare out the window.

I got home for some dinner and Irina had a surprise waiting for me. I didn’t know this until she explained it, but for the past month and a half she had been looking for a sour cream substitute that I would be able to eat. She said she’d looked in store after store every week and no one had anything, until she went in that Tuesday and found some! I happily mixed it into my beets and potatoes and couldn’t help feeling the love.

I’ve come to expect and look forward to Tuesday nights. Tuesday means the Banya with Irina and being really clean. It means something familiar and comfortable. The experience was much like the one I had last week with the exception of knowing the general order of when to shower or go in the sauna. I brought my own shampoo and conditioner this time so I left being completely clean and not feeling like I forgot anything.

Irina and I got back to the house and were in better than good spirits. We had been chatting about my family, her work, that this was her last week before she would have a nice 3 week vacation period, and just being happy. She noticed in the Banya that I had a few big cuts on my arms from scratching at my mosquito bites. When we got back to the house she called me into her room and put some medication on them for me. She treats me like her baby sometimes. Like the smallest tasks would be too taxing for me to do, so she takes them on herself without me asking or even knowing sometimes. We sat down and she showed me pictures of her office. She is an optometrist. Not a nurse like I’d thought. She treats eyes. I could tell how proud she was of her office and profession. It makes me happy when she’s happy.

After the pictures I told her how sleepy I was and that I was going to sleep. I spread out on my bed and put some music on. A few minutes later, there was a knock on my door. Irina popped her head in and passed me a little bowl of fresh cherries, smiled, and went back to the kitchen.

It warms my heart when I think of how lucky I’ve been here. 

6/29. Mexican Monday...the creative titles for my posts are really top notch.

Let me describe class now. I know I went into a little detail earlier in the trip, but things have developed and changed. Elena has retained her ability to make some students feel bad and teach us a ton of vocabulary words each and every class. She never fails to answer every question she asks before we have enough time to process it and respond, and always makes a spectacle of Siuyuan when he can’t pronounce something. She tells us we have a ten-minute break half way through class, and will then give us only 5 minutes. I’ve found that we’ve learned a lot by being in class with her, but seeing as she simultaneously makes us feel incompetent, I’ve been having a hard time applying myself while she’s teaching. She started picking up on that last week, and at times, will now make my confusion into a big deal or skip over me when she asks everyone questions. I feel like it is a shame, since I now only have 2 more weeks left here, that my determination to impress has significantly decreased. I’m starting to itch for the freedom summertime brings and the family and friends I have back home.

After class, a group of us went to the Mexican restaurant Tres Amigos. I forgot how good salsa and guacamole were until this lunch trip. They are both incredible, and were immediately added to the list of things I’m looking forward to eating when I get home. Peanut butter, salad, and cereal are also on the list.

I’ve almost forgotten what its like to be surrounded by no one who speaks the same language as me. I get by with my Russian, I can understand some Spanish and French, and I speak English. Going out to eat today reminded me how much I used to take UNDERSTANDING WORDS for granted. I think that because the Latin American/Spanish culture is far more welcoming and kind right off the bat than Russians are, I didn’t feel as much like an outsider at this lunch or when I lived in Mexico. When I first got here I thought I would have no problem just jumping into the language like I did with Spanish, but I found that to be extremely false. Here I was met with irritation to my attempts, and so much eye rolling. I’m not discouraged anymore from returning to the country, but recollecting on how I felt when I first arrived really makes me appreciate being able to express my gratitude for people’s kindness in the States and now here. I hadn’t realized how rare it could be to find someone anxious to help you out or answer a question until I got to Russia. Never again will I decline the opportunity to help someone. In fact…I’ll go seek it out. 

6/27-6/28. Marta's last weekend and a Korean Protestant Church in Russia

This is most likely going to be the last weekend I have before I start cramming everything I didn’t do or want to do again into my schedule. So I over indulged in my relaxation rime. I spent Saturday in bed and reading for at least 4 hours. I also napped for at least 2 hours and showered. As the evening approached at a most relaxing and comfortable pace, I got ready to meet Eva and Marta. Tonight is Marta’s last night in St. Petersburg before my Polka returns to Poland. They were so sweet and took the metro to my stop so I wouldn’t have to go far from home. I wouldn’t have an escort home this time, so I didn’t want to go out for too long. We went to an Angels and Demons themed bar right across from the metro. We drank, talked about organized religions, holy scriptures, and spirituality, watched Marta dance like a “gangsta” as she frequently referred to herself as being that night, and then hugged and parted ways. They were going to the club called Datcha; I was going home. I had promised Sul-ki that I would come to church with her the next day. I have been either busy or too tired to trek all the way out to church but swore I would come this week. I knew it would be a bad idea to try and do both Datcha and Church, so I snuggled in my bed and passed out.

Church was fascinating. I was greeted by a group of maybe 15 people: mostly Koreans, but a still few Russians. They were very excited that I was American, smiled and were just overall extremely welcoming. It was held in a small room in a Church building that was quite derelict. The room had 2 rows of folding chairs, and a bench along the back of the room. Because I had no Idea what was being said, I spent the majority, if not the entire service, reading parts from the Bible Sul-ki lent me. Hers is in Korean on one side and English on the other. The Bible is both very specific about some things, but in other places is extraordinarily vague. I believe this is what contributes to the large number of interpretations, conflicts etc.

After the service, I was bombarded with invitations to join them all in fellowship and eat hotdogs with them. Though extremely tempting for me vegan self, I decided it would be best to get home. I told Irina that morning where I was going and when I would be back, so I wanted to honor that. I rode the metro and walked home thinking of what I’d just experienced. I find the concept of organized religion both beautiful and terrifying. I’ve witnessed the generosity of a community of one faith, but I’ve also heard contradiction to the statement “everyone is equal” preached to hundreds of people. We all know people who strongly reject religion, and those whose lives revolve entirely around their faith. We also know people who don’t fall into either category.

After the service today I believe even more strongly that it is unreasonable to say that there is only one correct way to do anything, when so many ways exist. This could be the way to heaven or it could be the way to the metro. You can take a parkway or pledge, a bike or a specific burial. They’re all going to get you there eventually.

6/26. I got tan today!

I’m getting tired. I forget how tiring long term traveling is because I get caught up in the moment of every single thing that is happening. I think this constant state of alertness and peppiness to go and do things is the main contributor to my exhaustion. I’m winding down and my focus is class is suffering. Oh well…I’m walking and socializing and practicing Russian outside of school to make up for it J

I picked up Pride and Prejudice on Thursday, and was set on just relaxing, getting a little tan, and reading. This was a big success. I went to the 12 Colleges, and set myself up on a bench in the courtyard. I stayed right there for at least 2 hours and felt sun kissed and happy.

I went home, ate dinner, and fell asleep. The sun, along with museums, walking, friends, class, commuting, and reading, makes me want to sleep. So that is exactly how I spent my Friday night.

6/24. "are you from North or South Korea?"..."SOUTH"

The quote of the day happened during our break in class. I went to the cafe in the building and sat down with Sul-ki and Bennoit. Bennoit is leaving on Saturday! Sul-ki and I talked about church and me going with her (this is what our conversations are always about). Then I decided to change the subject and see how she did outside her comfort zone. 

Me: Sul-ki, are you from North or South Korea?

Sulki: SOUTH!!!

Bennoit and I laughed because it was probably the most perfect reaction I could have ever hoped for.

I slept in a bit and only got ready so that I could meet up with Marta and Eva for lunch at a sushi place. Aside from Teremok’s and general stores that read “Супөр Маркөт“, the other most noticeable place to get food is a sushi bar. We ate sushi and all took out our workbooks and were practicing. Our waiter thought we were precious, and advised us to come back soon.

I think the highlight of my day was finding out that Caroline, one of the Canadian students, is really interested in visiting an orphanage. I had been looking to originally make my trip here revolve around working with orphanages (I thought maybe learning the languge would be a better thing to do first...), so I was really excited to plan something with her. We decided to  use our respective contacts, mine being Sul-ki and her church and Caroline's being her host mom, to get as much information as possible about making a trip for the following week. The Canadians that have been in my class are departing Russia on July 5th, so only one more week of the Kannucks!  

6/23. Swiss German has no rules.

I went out with Marta to meet up with her roommate Eva for some form of lunch after class on Tuesday. Eva is Swiss-German. They are nice to walk with because they don’t complain about walking far distances, and more than that, actually enjoy the exercise. At some point during our walk, we started talking about the difference between German and Swiss-German. She said Swiss-Germans can understand Germans but it doesn't work the other way. She then stated that Swiss-German writing has no rules, which I think is crazy and maybe not what she was trying to convey, but I'm not worried about it. It sounds like the best language ever!

Marta is so silly and lively. It is really refreshing to have her bouncing around all the time. Even when she’s complaining about how hot it is or that the sun is even out, she still makes me smile. My little Polka.

I skyped with poppa bear after I left my lady friends. I love my dad so much.

I got home and had a quick dinner with Irina. She asked if I would be home and I said when? She said she was going to the Banya and wanted to know if I would be home while she was out (to know whether she should bring her keys). I said I wasn’t sure. Then she kind of laughed and asked if I would want to come. I was quite enthusiastic and said yes. She looked a little surprised I had actually agreed, and happily said “great!”

After gathering the Banya necessities, she told me to bring my keys and leave my passport. This would then mark the first time ever being out of the house without all of my identification. It is illegal, if I haven’t already mentioned, to go anywhere in Russia without your passport (or photocopy of it), your visa if you’re a tourist, and a copy of your registration with the city. Police officers stand on sidewalks, in the metro, outside restaurants…basically any place they choose, and if they do a random check for ID and you don’t have all of the appropriate documentation, first of all they’ll rob your ass of whatever money you’re carrying with you (they’ll probably do this anyway even if you do have your documentation), and then carry you off to prison. My friend Max was taken advantage of in the worst way last Friday. He was coming to the metro to meet a group of us, and upon exiting the metro he was stopped. They took him into a side room, showed him a long list of rules, took 500 rubles from him and sent him on his way. He got on the escalator to get to the ground level of the station and as he got to the top, another officer pulled him aside to see his ID. I have never seen them pull a female aside and ask for her ID. It has always been young men, and usually if not always, it’s been those with darker complexions.

The police force here is very much like the one I encountered in Mexico. Fernando, my host dad when I lived in Tecolutla, described attempting to change it in a most hopeless way: “It is like trying to climb up a waterfall”.

So the Banya… it went a little like this: find a cubby in the “locker room”, get naked, walk into a big communal shower area, get wet, get in sauna, get out of sauna, exfoliate and rinse, get back in sauna and hit yourself all over, or have other people whack you, with leafy branches to “open the pores”, get out and rinse, sit in the locker room and recuperate from the beating you just received/gave, get back into shower, repeat the beating in the sauna once more, rinse off, exfoliate, rinse off, wash your hair and exfoliate again, then…call it a day.

I felt like I’d gone through a right of passage that all Russian girls go through when they enter adulthood. It was quite beautiful.

We walked home, and the feeling of exhaustion was mutual. I fell asleep within the hour and felt better than I could remember in a very long time.

6/22. Pies

Am class was followed by pies. I had really great Russian pies earlier in my trip with Sergei, and was determined to get back there before my trip was done. I decided to show the gang the pie place, but that little excursion was met with groaning from the peanut gallery. The peanut gallery being Greg and Max. Marta was a trooper. We did eventually get to the pie shop, and they agreed it was worth the long walk. I unfortunately passed on getting anything this time. There are 2 pies that fall under my lenient vegan category, and they were not available. Boo.

Since this is Greg’s last week, we thought we’d try to be the best tourists possible. This would mean a boat tour was required at some point.  Upon further consideration, Marta and I decided to walk home and not spend 700 rubles on a tour. She lives fairly close to me, which is quite nice, so we’ll be meeting up throughout the week since this is her last week also. I walked a few miles to McDonalds to utilize their wifi and finally talk to my boyfriend. My dad suggested I do a commercial for them, emphasizing how awesome their wifi is and what a difference it has made being abroad. I never thought I would be so thankful for McDonalds.

6/21. "I invite you to the Church of Christ..Only beautiful people at the Church of christ."

...and that was the highlight of my day: someone on the street hitting on me while simultaneously trying to convert me. 

6/20. Saturday...

Saturday was nice and low key. I got home pretty late so waking up at 7 and going to Pushkin was not going to happen. I called Katya around 7 when my alarm went off, told her I wouldn’t be joining her class on the excursion, and went back to sleep for a few more hours. That was probably the most exciting thing all day. I read for hours and took a nap. I took a shower, and then watched the sky unleash one of the most powerful rains I’ve seen so far. I snuggled into my bed and started writing a letter - a perfect way to end the day. 

6/19. Oh no, I can't salsa dance. But that Russian over there can...

School was school today. Elena was in a good mood, despite the class’ inability to remember how to say berry in Russian, so things moved by pretty quickly.

Originally I was planning on going to the Hermitage at 3 with whoever wanted to join me. That idea was poo-poo’d and I was told coming to lunch would be better. It was originally supposed to be just a few people, but it turned into an outing of 7 obviously foreign people. I met someone new at lunch, which is always nice, so that redeemed the spectacle we made of ourselves wandering about. His name is “Zagoo” (spelling?) and he’s from Turkey. We finished making plans for the night and Max and I went to use the Internet. He showed me pictures of his girlfriend and I showed him pictures of my boyfriend, we laughed, he cursed my computer’s lack of firefox, and we left to go back to our respectable abodes. His host family lives 2 ½ hours from the island, so I was sort of guessing that unless he was really exited about going out that night, we wouldn’t be seeing him until next week.

The plan for the evening was to meet at Moscowvskaya metro station at 11 and go to a Latin club Diana and her roommate usually went to on the weekends. I recommended we exchange some phone numbers, but that was deemed unnecessary. Greg and I found each other at the station at about 11:15 and waited for other people to show up. I got a call from Kavin, the precious Canadian, that him and Alejandro were on their way, but needed to stop in an internet café for 10 minutes. Greg is used to “on time” being 15 minutes before the requested time, and I’m generally an on time person, so waiting around for an hour was a little hard for us to understand. By midnight, the group had gathered. It was Greg and myself plus Diana, her roommate Anna, Kavin, and Alejandro. The club was nice, even though I’m not used to nor will I ever be to smoke being everywhere. After about an hour we snagged a nice big table, where a few people were always sitting while the rest of us were dancing. I think my favorite part about the whole night was dancing with/watching Kavin dance. The man doesn’t have the most graceful moves, but you can tell he thoroughly enjoys shaking about. Not cha-cha-ing or moving to a beat, but shaking haha. Diana and I were the only girls (her roommate was meeting her boyfriend) so her and I took turns dancing with everyone. My salsa dancing is a joke, P.S, but it was still a great night. 

6/18. The Russian Museum with my new man friends.

Thursday mornings with Tatyana. These are usually a little better than Wednesdays with her. During the week in between our classes with her, she sort of forgets how far along we are and that some of her teaching methods consistently don’t work very well with us. We worked from a different exercise book today that was very helpful. It taught us how to make really long run on sentences by starting with a short sentence and gradually adding in adverbs and adjectives. Those are OK in Russia though. I sat with Marta again, and we both did a good job redeeming ourselves for being called out for talking the day before.

After class Greg, Max, and I decided to go to the Russian Museum. We walked back to the main university building first to pick up Greg’s school ID. It is something like 7 US dollars for tourists to get into the museum, but with a student ID from the city, it is only a dollar. Prior to the museum, however, we stopped for lunch. They decided on Subway. I declined getting anything since sandwiches just aren’t the same without meat or cheese. This prompted the main conversation for the meal and rest of the day: WHY ARE YOU A VEGAN?! They’re both pretty set on getting me to eat some kind of meat before we all part ways. I wished them luck and explained my reasoning, which over the past 7 months I’ve rehearsed a lot and become excellent at telling and discussing. The remainder of the day together was spent just making fun of each other and all of it playful with hints of beautiful sarcasm, something I haven’t heard Russians use.

The museum was wonderful. It is mostly modern art with some exhibitions on antique clothing, and old china sets. I talked to Sergei later than night and he told me it was his favorite museum. They have so much artwork that isn’t even on display because the building isn’t big enough. Although it is a very impressive museum, I still like the Hermitage better.

As we made our way through the museum, Max would frequently sit down on the little benches in the middle of the galleries. He is kind of like a little kid, despite being pretty tall. He would slouch down and then ask Greg and I to carry him… it was precious.

OH, right, and I gave them both an unofficial tour of the city. Since I’ve been here 5 weeks, I have retained a lot of historical information about buildings, past leaders, along with a knowledge for the layout of the city including places to eat, bookstores, good pastry shops etc. I was pretty proud of myself by the time we reached the museum… I had them asking me about different buildings, where we were, and where different sites were in relation to where we were.

I got home around 5:30 and had dinner by myself. I started thinking and reflecting about my day, as I do every day, and realized how much I’m going to cherish this experience and miss it when it’s gone. I’ve learned so much about this city and really gained an understanding of how historical events have influenced the current state of politics and society. I’ve met so many unique people from all over the world, which also has given me the opportunity to understand and appreciate other countries. I will miss meeting new people everyday and learning something new about Russia everyday. If there is one thing I would like to take with me back home, aside from the massive appreciation for all things familiar, is the desire to take advantage of history and learn whenever possible. I’ve been reading a lot about past presidents lately, probably stemming from my newfound love for America, and now feel more inspired to know whatever I can about my country. I love travelling and learning about new places, but the U.S. has recaptured my heart, if you will. She makes me want to learn and appreciate her more…the little minx.

6/17. Wednesday and meeting with Katya, finally!

We had an early morning class with Tatyana. I told Greg from LA, since he was thinking about switching down to a lower level, that Tatyana was a little bit intense but not to be too worried if he stayed in the class. Everyone gets confused when Tatyana begins the lesson. Usually by the end it’s much better. He tried to switch out but was told he was way too ahead of the other people. So he came back! Hooray! I like Greg, he cracks me up and is just nice to have a conversation with. I was planning on going to the Russian Museum either Thursday or Friday that week and invited him to go with me. He only has two weeks so the man must hit all the major must see spots. The first week usually doesn’t count since you’re getting used to jet lag and pretty disoriented.  Greg is from California so this is literally half way around the world for him. Greg used to be a military pilot but now flies for Cathay Pacific.

A new girl also came to class who is really nice. Her name is Marta, she just graduated from high school, and is from Poland. We sat next to each other and were reprimanded a few times for talking during class. She is only here for two weeks as well so I’ll see if she wants to hang out.

Class was ridiculous. That sums it up. Everyone was so confused and by the end of it, we’d all decided that it was over our heads and we’d worry about it later.

I left class a little early to meet Katya for our Vasilevsky Island tour. I walked outside and was greeted by torrential down pour. We went to the Menshnikov Palace, which is only a 10 minute walk from school, and she took me on a tour of the late Governor’s Palace who was in charge during the Peter the Great times. It used to be much larger than it currently is, but the entire back half of the palace that used to surround the gardens was destroyed during the revolution. Menshnikov, who used to be rather poor, became one of St. Petersburg’s wealthiest people after becoming friends with Peter the Great. He decorated his palace with statues and these little hand painted tiles from Holland. It was very beautiful, as all the palaces here are.

I was not looking forward to more walking all over the island, and Katya picked up on that. She talked about the two churches on the 7 line (a street) that I pass everyday, and the model housing Trezzini had come up with for 3 different groups from 3 different backgrounds of wealth. Then we called it a day, laughed about some random things for 10 minutes, and decided that if it was nice, we would go to Pushkin on Saturday.

I walked to the metro, saw Alejandro and Kavin, who walked me the rest of the way to the metro, and stood in the crazy line to get in. It was quite beautiful in the rain. The umbrella’s people were holding all fell on different levels, making the rain hit the top umbrella and drip onto another umbrella followed by another. It was like a fountain made by billowing umbrellas. I took a mental picture and made my way home J

6/16. Tuesday and back at school. Hooray!!

AH..a pretty day J This means I left the house, sans rain boots, and walked everywhere.

Today I met Max from Barcelona and Greg from Los Angeles. Both boys appear to be normal… new friends? I think yes. Kavin and I discussed the possibility of him helping me set up an Internet connection after class was through and I weighed how logical that would be this late in the game. After class I wanted to go to the Hermitage, but upon arrival found hundreds of people waiting in line to go in. I said “Eff that.” and took a picture of a kitten in a flowerbed. I proceeded to Dom Knigi, bought a book of poetry. They are French poets, and have both a French version and Russian version of every poem by the 7 writers. I walked at least 7 miles total during the day and was ready for food and family by the time I got home. OH and I walked by the post office Rick told me existed on Nevskii Prospekt! Hooray!!

Tamara is home now from the Datch (I never know how long she’ll be around so I just enjoy my weird and beautiful time with her). I think she is crazier everytime we interact and I love her. I was having my soup for dinner when she came in and began hovering. She then took my soup bowl before I was finished and began to slowly pour some of the soup into my spoon so I could drink it. We had three round of her pouring me soup before it was actually all gone. We laughed. Then we told Irina about it and I’ve never seen her laugh so hard. It was a beautiful and strange evening. 

6/15. I'm sick again?

I woke up at 8:30 and decided that school wasn't going to happen. My stomach wouldn't stop turning and I spent the day in bed or in the bathroom. Who knows. 

Today was a day I would never like to relive. I was alone the entire day. No interaction with the outside world. No drunk people, No friends, No one. It wasn't until Irina and Gyrag came back that I said words out loud to someone. Irina had some work to catch up on and did it at the table while I at dinner. Sometimes when we look at each other, there is this different part of our souls communicating. I feel like she knows what I want to say, and I know what she wants to say. Sometimes we can actually articulate them, but other times its just the company and brain messages that are forced to suffice. 

6/13 and 6/14 Pavlovsck! <-- I'm pretty sure I change the spelling of this place every time I write it

An interesting weekend!

I went to Pavlovsck Saturday with Irina and her boyfriend, Gyrag, to celebrate Irina's birthday. IT WAS AMAZING. Honestly, one of the most beautiful places I've ever seen. Such condensed beauty had to be appreciated, and I put pictures online of our little trip. So far Gyrag and I haven't really hit it off. I think most of it has to do with the language barrier, but there is just something about him... 

Regardless of what our relationship was like before, this trip mended any strangeness between us. Irina would often leave to go take pictures of ducks, fish, or trees and Gyrag and I would just stand there. He likes to yell English words and then see what my reaction is like. He yelled "BEAUTIFUL MEN RIGHT?!", which I think was his attempt to find out if beautiful was the correct word to use to describe something you liked. I laughed and told him usually men aren't beautiful...they're handsome. He giggled...I giggled. It was a giggly kind of day!

We stayed and walked around for close to 3 hours, and finally made our way back to the train. It was even sunny all day, so i got a bit of a tan...AHA! I finished The New Revelations on the train ride home and felt content getting back to the house.

Then...I got homesick again? Maybe it's seeing Irina and her boyfriend together and so happy, or maybe it's having difficulty communicating with people here, or maybe it's the lack of hugs. This place has the ability to break my heart and then mend it all in the same day. 

I was really wanting to get online Sunday and talk to my family. I just needed to hear their voice via skype or chat with a friend. I got to McDonalds and was harassed by a drunk man for 40 minutes, until he finally left. I had to yell at him, the woman cleaning tables yelled at him multiple times, and a couple of ladies yelled at him. So much yelling at such an early time. The two women even yelled at me for tearing up and told me it wouldn't do anything. Repressed Russia at its finest right there.

Luckily two of my best friends were up late and online. AJ and Tricia...I love you both so much and am so thankful you were there. I was feeling pretty beaten. 

The morning was pretty rough, and eventually got a little better. I talked to my dad later in the day which always helps. I know it's hard for others to understand the emotions a person goes through when they're pretty withdrawn from their home, family, friends, and really anything that was ever familiar. Hopefully as I become more vocal, home will reach out as I am trying to, and things will brighten up here. 

6/12. RUSSIA DAY!!!!!

RUSSIA DAY!!!!! This date marks the anniversary of Russia’s declaration of sovereignty in 1990, though it wasn’t made an official holiday until 1994! Hooray!

I slept in until 8:30 and had breakfast with Irina. She then informed me that her birthday was Saturday (46) but that she didn’t like getting older. I told her not to worry about a thing, and that we would have a lovely day of celebration. The poor lady is so sick right now, coughing up a storm and napping all day. Not an awesome way to spend the anniversary of your birth. I knew I wanted to get out of the house, and decided that embarking on a journey to get Irina a present would be the goal. I left around 1 and went straight to Ligovskiy Prospekt. This prospect intersects with Nevskiy Prospekt, which is more of less the most direct street to Vasilevskiy Island, where my school is located.

As I walked through my neighborhood to get to Ligovskiy Prospekt, I felt really uncomfortable. Walking around on the weekend is so bazaar because there are so few people out. I saw a few drunken characters wondering around and a handful of men looking too shady to make eye contact with. I walked faster than I normally do, trying to get to a main street with more people. I walked down Ligovskiy and looked at storefronts, trying to find one that inspired me to browse for a present in. There were a couple clothing stores I liked, and after getting onto Nevskiy Prospekt, I found a chain of little jewelry boutiques that were reasonable. Nothing that really shouted “IRINA” at me though. I thought about getting her flowers or a plant but quickly remembered that the house had a ton of plants from the datcha. Irina also hates watering plants I found out a few days earlier. I ended up going into a pastry shop and buying a bunch of little specialty desserts. I ordered correctly (they didn’t obnoxiously roll their eyes at me... yesss!) and walked back home, happy with my little accomplishment. It was 4 by the time I came home and Irina was asleep. I showered and got into comfy clothes.

Irina and I talked about Russia Day over dinner, and the how we’re both not fans of the huge crowds that were out today. We talked about birthdays and who she thought would be coming over for her birthday dinner (it’s just going to be me, her, and he man friend). We shared 2 of the little desserts and she told me I went to a good shop. There were a few around that weren’t as tasty, but I picked a good one. I’m not as concerned with the butter or milk or eggs used in desserts here. I don’t overindulge, but when Irina and I have lovely conversation over little sweets, the fact that its not vegan seems unimportant.

I ended up not going out to the concert. When I was walking home at 3, I could barely walk on the sidewalks they were so crowded. My evening was just as sweet, if not better, so I’m not disappointed J

6/11. Thursday and FINALLY a beautiful day to close out the school week

Early am class at the new building. I volunteered to wait outside the building 15 minutes before class started since there were so many new students who had never been there before. I read for about 20 minutes and went into class. Today…was the day…where the class learned how strange I am. We were assigned to make up a short narrative about a family the night before, and then in class we would share what we wrote. I wrote one about a doctor. She wasn’t married but had a boyfriend, Glen, for whom she was a “sugar momma”. They were currently at her datcha. She had 3 children, Ann-Corinne, Ben, and Dee-Dee. Ann-Corinne was doing laundry, Ben wanted a cigarette and a father figure, and Dee-Dee was a doctor and not doing anything. Dee-Dee also had a cat. Who makes up imaginary stories that make sense? Not me! We laughed at the hilarity of my silly story and before I knew it, class was over.

I went outside and there was…wait for it…. SUNSHINE!!!!!!!!!!!! YAAYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!

I walked around for 2 hours and eventually made my way to the 12 colleges campus. I sat in the sun on a bench and read. I wrote a letter too. I took my rain boots (I wore them on the one day it didn’t rain all week) and socks off and pretended I was back at CoA for a moment or two. The sun is so powerful. Not only in the “it can give you skin cancer, wear your sunscreen” way, but the effect it can have on your life and state of mind is brilliant. You never realize how much you miss the bright thing until it seemingly disappears for a week.

Tomorrow is Russia Day, which explains why school has been cancelled. There is a concert in Palace Square around 6pm and loads of people EVERYWHERE can be expected from early afternoon on wards. I’ve come to accept the fact that I don’t really like crowds. Parties or places where I know most of the people present is wonderful, but mass amounts of people I don’t know and zero personal space kind of makes a girl want to stay in. We’ll see what I’m in the mood for tomorrow J

6/10. A Better Day Indeed!

Yes.....

It’s incredible what we can accomplish when we believe and convince ourselves we can.

School was wonderful. Tatiana replaced our teacher Lidia, who had been our Wednesday and Thursday teacher. Tatiana is a great teacher. She has really stepped up the difficulty level of class and talks about cases (Russian grammatical system), tons of exceptions, and most importantly how to have a conversation. She makes it a point to indentify what cases are most commonly used by Russians, which ones make you sound like a foreigner, and makes us pronounce our words like a Russian. She doesn’t accept foreign accents on things. Which makes sense.

Class flew by and the 3 hours of sitting felt like 30 minutes of intense question asking and explanation. We all left with dropped jaws.

I walked out with Michele and Kavin, a new student from Carleton, and strolled half under Michele’s umbrella until I stopped worrying about it.. It was raining, naturally, and I parted ways to get to the Metro quicker. It’s easier to get wet when you just accept that you’re getting wet. I smiled and walked to the metro as my clothes and non-waterproof shoes got soaked. I recognized the steps where the man used to lie with love and acceptance, and finished my stroll back home. I ate dinner alone, and like I had after my first bout of homesickness was through, found myself at peace and happy.

6/9. Tuesday is not the best day ever.

Have you ever had one of those days where you are incapable of focusing on anything? Each time you try to pay attention or really get into what you’re doing or learning, something else keeps bringing you out of it and back into a seemingly endless chain of thoughts?

Tuesday was one of those days. I couldn’t stop thinking about the dead man. Every time something new was explained, I would wonder off into my thoughts. Well really anytime anything was discussed; I withdrew back into my head. I walked down the steps where his body lied to get to the metro and wanted to throw up or scream or cry. I wanted to do anything but be walking down the steps. All I wanted all day was for class to be done. I wanted to be back in the apartment and in my bed.

When class was over at 4, I headed straight for the metro and was really overwhelmed with this feeling of detachment. Why would I come to a place where a dead body is seen as a jacket or a door might be? Why on Earth would I voluntarily come to a place like this when I could just as easily be at home, riding my bike, and being with my family and friends? I chose being with people who could care less about a dead person lying on the street than being with my closest friends who love me. Way to go Jules.

I walked up the steps, looking at the freshly hosed off area, and felt sick with resentment. WHY AM I HERE?? I got to the top of the steps and saw someone smiling. My first thought was, “What is their deal? Don’t they know what a cruel and awful place this is? Why are they so freakin’ happy?”

I realized only a moment later that I was in the Russian mindset Sergei had told me about on the 3^rd day I was here. I resented and criticized the happiness other people felt and reacted by frowning and thinking other awful things. Woah. Is this why so few people smile here? They’ve learned that death happens everywhere and that no one cares enough to clean it up. This isn’t something that has so solidly been engraved in their minds after seeing one body though. This concept is something that has aggressively been taught over and over again to children, adults…everyone.

Because the average age of death for both men and women is 15-20 years less than that of a Western European country or the U.S, Russians have had to start dealing with the death of parents, siblings, grandparents, and friends at a much younger age. These deaths occur between that age range when you’re developing opinions about life and the way the world works-when you’re finally starting to understand how other people’s actions, along with your own have a big impact on how you feel. The society here is still so closed off from other parts of the world, despite no longer having an iron curtain. If they’re unable to communicate and bounce ideas off of people from other parts of the world, then essentially it is a lot of the same ideas from the same place bouncing between the people who came up with the ideas in the first place. It’s a vicious cycle of round about ideas and affecting people that can’t end until Russia opens up. So how do you encourage a country that has been so closed off to open up and change their beliefs about the world?

I only started analyzing my thoughts after Irina got home that night. She had been at work doing the same thing for four hours, and then wasn’t let off until 7:30pm. I had eaten macaroni noodles, minus the cheese, with ketchup (it tasted like America and I feel like Irina subconsciously knew I was missing home and needed food that reminded me of it) for dinner, but sat with Irina as she ate and drank her tea. We both had such stupid days. Days filled with stuff we didn’t want to do or think about. Plus it was still raining which was stupid. We smiled at each other sympathetically and I started to laugh. She said we might have bad days but things are better at home. We have each other, she said. I smiled and agreed.

At this point in my “stupid” day, as I’ve chosen to describe it, my mindset changed. Maybe I was still emotionally recovering, but tomorrow would be better. I would make sure it was better. I decided that instead of cringing as I walked down the steps, I would send love to the soul that had been set free there. I would think positively rather than negatively, and I would smile. If someone else’s smile could force me to re-evaluate my frown, perhaps my smile can have that same effect on someone else. There is only one way to find out.

6/8. An almost stereotypical Monday

It’s grey and drizzly out again! When will the madness end?!

School was strange today. I sat with Stefanie all last week, and now that she’s done her 2-week stint, I felt a little lost without my Swiss buddy. Michele the Canadian opera singer, sat next to me instead. After frantically getting all of her supplies out for class, complaining about the size of the desk, and asking me a bunch of questions, then reiterating them to the teacher, she apologized for not calling me Friday night. Before I started feeling sick again, I had been planning to go out with her and a few other Canadians that night. She explained that she didn’t go out either otherwise she would have called. It really wasn’t a big deal, but she felt it necessary to apologize a few times for the error. I don’t know how I’m feeling about the Canadians… They’re pretty anti-social with other people from the group. Even Philly pointed out that they only move about the hallways in a large group and speak English.

After class I had some time to kill before Internetting and heading back home. I did homework/studied for a few hours, which I know will pay off in class tomorrow. I also read for an hour. There are so many new ideas being proposed right now in the The New Revelations- so many new ways to look and think about things. It’s a lot to swallow all in one reading, so I’ve had to pace myself. It makes me think about what I want my future to look like. The kind of career I might like to pursue. I wish I had more guidance to help me compile my ideas and move forward.

I left Vasilesvkiy Island feeling grey and strange. I could feel myself starting to get homesick again, but wasn’t/am still not sure how to reconnect with St. Petersburg and work through it. I knew getting better weather would help, but I can’t personally control that. Then the least helpful thing happened.

Patti told me this was a regular occurrence in Russia. I saw a dead person when I was walking home today. He was lying on the steps leading out of the underpass that connects both sides of the street. There were two small wooden blockades on the sides of him where the steps were-probably to keep people from mindlessly stepping on him. That was is though. There were no police cleaning up. No body bags. No crowds. Nothing. Just him.

I walked by him slowly. I couldn’t stop staring. Was he actually dead? Was this really happening? Why wasn’t anyone doing anything or taking him away? Why was his body still lying there? I got off the steps and walked around the corner. Thoughts about his body, his final position, the blood on his face and the ground, the police officers slouched in their seats, nonchalantly smoking cigarettes, how that death might be handled differently in the U.S… all of it kept rushing and clouding my mind, making it impossible to really assess anything. I could feel a really concerned look fall over my face. I walked faster. Really? Had I just seen a dead person? How should I feel right now?

I went straight to my room when I got back to the house. I looked in the mirror to see what my face was doing… to see if it was sad or confused or indifferent. The only thing close to a conclusion I could come up with was “what the fuck?”

I haven’t felt this detached from Russia since I first arrived. I feel like such a foreigner, so uncomfortable and out of place.

I haven’t really cried since I first got here and felt so incredibly alone. My feeling of loneliness has hit me like a wall and again I cry. Am I the only one who feels so confused and drawn in by this event? Am I the only one who even considers this an “event”? I feel like I am. I know the people here aren’t heartless, so them appearing to be indifferent isn’t because they don’t give a shit. So what is it? What has effected so many generations, that a dead person on the street doesn’t outwardly faze the young or old?  

On a brighter note for me and my music sharing friends, “Sweden's Pirate Party, which wants to legalise internet file sharing, won 7% of the national vote and one of the country's 18 seats in the European Parliament”

6/6 and 6/7. Laundry and finally some exploration by my house.

I slept in till 8:30 on Saturday and proceeded to do all of my laundry efficiently and by hand. Usually I just toss a few things into the shower with me and rub it with soap until it smells nice, then rinse, ring, and hang up. This time I used a bucket, some detergent, I let things actually soak, and a sloshed it around using lot of elbow grease. Enough elbow grease to give me a blister. It was hardcore and laid back all at the same time. I ended up not going out Friday night due to a bad stomachache. Since I was still feeling that Saturday, I called it an early night.

Since that sums up Saturday, I’ll move right along to Sunday. Philly and I met up for 3 hours in the afternoon on Nevskii Prospekt, except much further from Dom Knigi and other touristy sites. She’s only one metro stop from me, making her the person who lives closest to me. Everyone else that I’ve met so far lives on the island, at least 40 minutes away from me. Well, except Philly now of course. She showed me her McDonald’s Internet haven, how to buy a metro card, a good grocery store for my vegan/vegetarian needs, a book store (where I finally bought a map…), and a monastery that is ideal for wondering and reading. She visited Siberia with her dad last year, and decided to come back again this year for her study abroad. She was so grateful to the hosts that took care of her and her dad while she was here the first time, she wished she could have been able to show her gratitude. That was part of her reasoning for coming back, but she also finds Russia fascinating and just wanted to experience it.

I think that is the reason a lot of international students and tourists in general come here: to see if it’s actually as different as it’s made out to be. In some ways, St. Petersburg feels like any large city. There is efficient public transportation, a lot of people, tall buildings… but aside from the beautiful architecture, I can’t currently pin point the big difference. The one that all the hype is about… 

6/5. Rain, Walking, and Philly.

Ah Friday… Friday was a good day. I had an early class with Elena. I debated about whether or not I wanted to go just because the woman gets a little crazy sometimes and I wasn’t really up for that today. I’m kind of weird too though, so in the end I did go to class. It was enjoyable! Go figure! We got our tests back as well, and I did well on that, despite believing I’d done the opposite. Stefanie, Diana, and I had nothing to do after class, so when it was done we hung around school for another hour or so. Stefanie had to pick up her certificate for taking classes, and that is what took so long. After her certificate was ready, they told her she needed to go down to the other university to get her certificate stamped with the school’s seal. They apparently don’t have multiple copies of that…so…we walked… in the rain. P.S. it’s been raining non-stop since Wednesday afternoon. The rest of the afternoon was filled with walking to and from school, to the metro, and to the student café by the main university. Diana, Stef and I got lunch and talked about boys and languages. Apparently Switzerland has great guys, Italians talk too much, the French are good, and the Germans are no no’s…

After Lunch, Stefanie and I went with Diana to pick up her Registration. AHHH NO NOT THAT BUILDING AGAIN!!! But, as I'm sure you've picked up on, I believe everything happens for a reason. The three of us stood in line, waiting to be called into the little room of shouting and miscommunication, when we starting chatting with one of the girls also standing with us. Her name is Philly. Well, that is her nickname, but I took it as a sign when she introduced herself as that. She's from England and was renewing her registration after a trip home. She's been in Siberia/ St. Pete since the beginning of January and is leaving August 5th. She's has the same phobia as I do...getting her haircut in Russia. We're both afraid of coming out of the salon bleach blond with blunt bangs. mmm that was fun to write. Anyways, her and I exchanged numbers and are planning on hanging out over the weekend. whoot!

Stef and I went to McDonalds and I let her use my computer. She hadn’t checked her mail or been on the internet for 2 weeks, so I was more than happy to let her do whatever she needed to on mine. She has 8 friends from Switzerland coming on Sunday, and invited me out with them during the week. They’re all going to Moscow on Thursday night, but are planning on doing some site seeing before hand. Maybe if this awful weather lifts, we can go to the "beach". 

The beach...is not a beach. Swimming in the Neva would be like basking in the Schuylkill, and the beach is like a stone sidewalk. It's one of a kind :) 

What I wrote on my day off....

So! What I’ve been doing at McDonalds, aside from facebooking and pretending to blog (yep, sorry about that. I’ve been sick all week and crazy busy with my architecture class!), is pulling up Wikipedia biographies, reading various news articles from BBC, and trying to learn more about the world… the big thing we’re apart of together. After learning about the plane accident from Brazil to Paris, I looked up French President Nicolas Sarkozy’s bio. I’ve always gotten a good vibe from him for some reason and wanted to know more. A self affirmed conservative politician, he wishes to see involvement and some specific funding between church and state. He wants to get rid of any financial assistance to the unemployed, and has also stated (according to Wikipedia, but this sounds like something he would proclaim) that Islam is one of the most peaceful religions in the world. He’s been divorced multiple times, and is currently married to pop-culture icon, singer Carla Bruni.

What do you think?

Ok let’s read a little more in depth. C’mon, some research before we come to any conclusions, please. Wishes for more involvement between church and state comes most directly from his desire to increase immigration. He comes from a multi cultural family; his father was Hungarian and mother French. After being abandoned by his father at a young age, he grew up in a lower middle class town and never excelled during his early education. He fully acknowledges that there is a need for outside help in the French workforce, and wants to encourage skilled workers from other countries to work and obtain citizenship in France. He wants to financially support religious establishments, mostly Mosques, because they currently have very limited support that does nothing but reduce the number of Muslims who wish to live in France. He wants to reduce, if not eliminate, benefits the unemployed receive IF they’ve been offered work and refused. He wants to improve U.S./France relations, and is one of the few French politicians to have this on his agenda.

You have the information I’ve given you. This is my understanding. This is what I took from the articles I read and the biography I enjoyed. So what do you think? Will you read more? Will this be a sufficient amount of information on a topic you don’t really think or care about? I don’t want to attack anyone’s desire or lack there of to learn about foreign politics, but it isn’t really foreign.

It’s important to know. Arguably, everything is. It’s valuable information on an individual who is a part of this world and has the ability to change it. Barack Obama has this ability. Sarah Palin has this. Any professor has this, along with any businessman, currently unemployed person, journalist, student, NOT a student, entrepreneur, architect, stay at home parent, Atheist /Catholic /Lutheran /Buddhist /Scientologist /Muslim /Unitarian… ANYONE. Vladimir Putin has this ability.

I didn’t know anything about this man except that he was apparently stirring up trouble and Mrs. Palin had her eye on him. I pulled up his bio. How does one try to explain or attempt to even understand the inner workings of a politician, nay a man, who has taken on the responsibility of defending and building up a country who has been attacked on so many different levels. Atheism, Catholicism, Communism, War, Deception, Secrecy, Power, Repression, Expression, Beauty, Strength … all words that come to mind when I think about Russia. They have their guard up: an entire country on defense. Could this explain the stern faces I see everyday I commute to school? Could the ethics and inner workings of the KGB (police force in Russia) be attributed to this shield? In 1812, Russia was invaded by Napoleon. Aleksander the first surrendered Moscow to him and his army, hoping that this strategic move would save the Russian army from being destroyed entirely, a solid and smart move on his part. Napoleon didn’t even last one winter. He abandoned his troops, and he and a few of his generals fled back to France. From a combination of a hostile population and the harshest of winters, Napoleon lost his entire army stationed in Moscow. Hitler attempted this in Leningrad, which is now St. Petersburg, but as we know, ultimately failed.

Their political system has been under attack for as long as an opposing government has existed to counter it. Why is it so hard to believe that a government different from ours could have ever functionally taken care of its citizens? Democracy, right? That is the only way, yes? ...NO?!?! Say whaa?!

 

We’ve allowed the media to spoon-feed us our education and opinions. They publish their points of view in major papers, so why wouldn’t they be completely true? Ah, this is where they get us. THE INTONATION!!!!! AAHHH!!!!! We cannot dismiss the tone in which information is delivered. If we do this, we’re fools who haven’t done their homework. Our opinions then become far too malleable, and subject to changing on a whim.

I understand that it’s a little easier to just read, briefly reflect, and move on. There is no such thing as “just reading” or “briefly reflecting”, however. When we read something opinionated or seemingly well written, it touches us differently than a poorly written or boring piece of writing. It moves us towards accepting what they’ve written as the truth, whether we verbally state that we do or not. That’s important: “We move towards accepting what they’ve written as the truth.” Our reflection occurs when the topic at hand comes up in conversation or lecture or another piece of writing. You then present the information you’ve obtained, and develop your version of that opinion when you explain or defend your point of view.

A vicious cycle. We know what we know because someone said it, we read it, or we took one or both of those things to form our own belief about it. I believe in all of those things. I believe in reading the shitty articles! I believe in the beautiful opinionated thoughts publications, the poems, the children’s stories, random bits of info you find online. I believe in talking with people and listening. That includes children and adolescent and all of those young adults who were told they’re “too young” to understand or know something.

I believe that as long as the foundation for which my beliefs stem is excited to learn, I will be set to process and enjoy all of the knowledge the world has to offer. As long as I am open to new ideas, to “new revelations”, to new people, to new understandings of those people and ideas and revelations… I will be able to grow and affect others to grow with me. 

6/4. I stay home from school

It is Thursday. I stayed home from school. Irina didn’t go to work. My bed and I have a wonderful and stronger relationship now.

A few things prompted me to want to write this. I started reading Medvedev and Putin’s bio’s along with Hitler’s. There were a lot of incidents cited in those that had Westerners pinpointing Russia as the bad and intolerable one, and refusals to understand and compromise, on both sides, which resulted in further separation between westerners and Russia. During the midst of reading, Irina came home from running a few errands. She bought more vitamins for me to take, along with some medicine for my stomach. She got crackers and fresh bread as well. I felt a surge of love and gratefulness towards this wonderful woman. She treats me like I am her family; like I am just as important to her as her own child would be. Why, with all of this separation between the world and Russia, has the fact that Russians are people as well been forgotten? We see the face of Russia as Putin or Medvedev, but rarely do we ever hear what the citizens are like. I am afraid that when I leave here, it will become close to impossible to stay in contact. It takes two months for airmail to get here, and Irina has no Internet. Do I call and spend $4 a minute to use the phone? How do I even send airmail?? Do I write the address in Russian or in English? I’m afraid of never seeing Irina or Tamara again, of never being able to say goodbye with the right words.

Anyway I got really aggressive about not wanting to lose this family and wrote something to vent that. Whether it conveyed that or not is irrelevant. It helped me to write it all down.

6/3. Good class, and a trip to the Hermitage. Even though I'm sick..

I went to school, even though I woke up and was obviously sick. I had a field trip with Katya planned to explore the Hermitage, which I really didn’t want to cancel, so I sucked it up. Class ended up being really wonderful as well, so I’m happy I went.

Lidia is such a great teacher, regardless of her limited English. She laughs in class, and encourages us to keep trying if we don’t get something. We laughed a lot today which was unusual and wonderful. I haven’t laughed that much since I got here. Siu-Juan and I joked about his girlfriend being his wife since that was the language exercise we were doing, which really only helped the laughing situation we’d gotten into during class. Him and I have gotten closer over the past few weeks and are good at making each other laugh. He moved on Monday to a new apartment only 30 minutes away from school (it used to be 2 hours!) and told me he got free Internet so that if I wanted to talk to my boyfriend, I was more than welcome to come over and steal his Internet. What a lil cutie pie.

I left class a little early so that I could meet Katya by 1:15. It is a 30 minute walk from school to the Hermitage. I got outside and alas…it was raining… and awful. I should have worn my rain boots. By the time I arrived by the man statues, the skirt I was wearing was soaked, my legs were cold, and my back pack, though thankfully waterproof, was drenched as well. I met an oil painter named Sergei while I waited for Katya.

The Hermitage is…mammoth. The first time I went we didn’t make it to the third floor, which happens to be where the majority of French art is kept, so I knew I wanted to spend some time there on this visit. I love French art. There is something so unique about that artwork. There was something so eccentric and innovative about the pieces we looked at, I could have walked around that floor for hours.

I arrived home and was the only one there until about 9 I think. I fell asleep by 9:30, and got to sleep in until 7:30! 

6/2. I'm getting sick. Booo.

I woke up this morning feeling sick: Maybe a fever and definitely a lot of boogers. I went to school anyway. I zoned out in class a few times and just wanted to go to bed. I think I earned (for once!!!) the sympathy of cray cray Elena. She gave us an oral test, which I’m going to guess didn’t go so well for me. I have yet to see the results, but I’m pretty good at approximating when epic failures occur. I sneezed and blew my nose a lot.

I went straight home after class, and was in the door by 5. I crawled into bed and just lied there for an hour. I went into the kitchen as Irina was preparing an epic feast for us (I’m guessing to redeem the meal from the night before, which was delicious and wonderful despite what she thinks). I told I was sick, and she asked a bunch of questions about my symptoms, when it started, and what she was going to give me to feel better. I understood the words she was saying. She explained a few other things to me that I also understood… I understood. That is still blowing my mind even as I’m writing this. Things are starting to click!

6/1. to Peter and Paul Fortress!

I met Stefanie today! She joined our class this week after doing some one on one lessons last week. She’s from Geneva, Switzerland and an economist. She’s really nice and brand new to the Russian language… probably at the same point I was when I first got here. We sat next to each other and I helped her through most of the class, explaining what little things were or what Elena was asking us to do. RAAHH I’m learning!!! That was probably the high light of the day. We got some other new students as well: a mother and her daughter who are from China.

So many acquaintances and nationalities... How is it that I’ve only met one other American aside from Rachel?

After school, I rushed off to the edge off the island to meet Katya before heading to Peter and Paul Fortress. A whole mess of people were getting married today. I saw at least 5 brides within 10 minutes, all scurrying around with their wedding parties, taking pictures in front of the same landmarks. It was a little surreal.

Katya and I walked about 30 minutes to the fortress, the sun relentlessly beating down on us. Luckily, it is always breezy by the river, so we were cooled down a bit by that. As a result…so many half naked people. The fortress was a considerable walk from school and I was starting to come down with a cold. Not the best combination. I zoned out a few times during the tour and I think Katya picked up on the fact that I was exhausted, so she cut it a little short, which was kind. The cathedral within the fortress was the most impressive and held my attention the best, not to mention that the way we got our tickets was both resourceful and awesome. Katya is able to get in for free since she works at the museum, but I only get a discounted ticket since I’m a student. She picked up one free ticket at one office, and after deciding we wouldn’t be paying for the other, went around to the other office and she picked up another free ticket. AHAH yes.

Only Tzars and Emperors are buried within this Cathedral. It was kind of unreal looking at Catherine and Peter the Great’s tombs. I mean literally only arms length away is where their bodies were lying from me. These incredible leaders who I’ve heard so much about, seen so much of what they’d both built in this city, and am a witness to the effects their leadership still have on the pride of Russian citizens. Glorious. The interior of the cathedral was magnificent too. All gilded bronze, with huge chandeliers and pillars. My camera died shortly after entering the Cathedral, so the few pictures I did take will be up on facebook.

Katya and I walked around for another 45 minutes before calling it a day. My back was in so much pain from carrying my backpack around all day, and I was a bit sun burnt. It took me about an hour to walk back to McDonalds/the closest Metro station. I spent a considerable amount of time catching up with my boyfriend, among other people, that I forgot I needed to get home. Irina had forgotten her keys and needed me in order to get back in. I literally ran from my metro station back to my house to let Irina back into the apartment. We were both quite hungry, so we hustled and made food together. Aka she made the food, and I cut up a ton of veggies for a salad. There wasn’t too much fresh food in the house since she hadn’t gone shopping in a while, so we pulled out whatever we could locate in the freezer and cooked it. It was a very satisfying and large meal. Mmmm…

5/30 - 5/31. LADOGA ALL DAY and the Summer Gardens!

So I’ve been having a great weekend. I went to Ladoga Saturday (a 1250 year old town about 2 hours outside of Petersburg) and learned about cathedral styles, went into the cathedral of Saint George, learned how to identify which saint a Russian cathedral is named after, was informed the onion shaped domes on top of Russian churches are called “Koples”, though it is spelled differently in Cyrillic, drank wine by Lake Ladoga with my temporary classmates, and the girls and their teachers shared all of their food with Joy and I while we enjoyed the view of the hills, lake, and far off fortress. Joy is another Canadian I met shortly after I got off the bus in Ladoga. She’s probably 28 if I had to guess and married. Her man-friend lives in British Columbia and his name is Jeremy (I know…kind of vague…but my knowledge of Canadian geography is poor so a region is all you’re getting for now). She’s quite lovely. I like making friends here and have found that everyone is somewhat anxious to have another persons phone number “just in case” they want to hang out. Despite, enthusiasm, I haven’t found too many people who want to make the phone calls. I think I can be included in that group as well.

Since adjusting, I’m comfortable walking and being by myself when I go places. I know I have friends I can invite to come with me, but honestly some of the best experiences I’ve had have been walking by myself.

Joy is very sweet and smart…I kind of want to pick at her brain…. Find out a how she feels about past Russian wars, current politics, the food, what she likes to do in Canada. She invited me to a jazz festival that night in palace square, which I was pretty excited about going to when we talked about it initially. After 5 hours of walking around on tours, and trekking through Ladoga, both of us kind of laughed at the idea of staying up late and agreed that hanging out later in the week would be better. She’s a student working on her Masters in Russian History.

I have to reiterate how beautiful it is right now. The sky is a warm bright blue. It’s breezy all the time, so the persistent sun doesn’t feel so harsh. I’ve even noticed a difference in the people. They’re so… excited…and sparsely clothed. The US’ policy remains a no shirt no shoes no service, but Russia is quite lenient in this department. I see shirtless men everywhere on days like Saturday, and have noticed the shorts on women getting uncomfortably short.

The last bit of the day before heading back home was spent at the all girls cathedral in Ladoga. Joy, her host mother, and I walked with maybe 10 other girls from the larger group we were with. Joy and I went into the cathedral together, and went back towards Lake Lodoga when we left. We walked down little paths on the hills, by a pool of holy water, and then found the rest of the girls having a picnic and painting. We shared wine together and sat while they laughed and talked about things beyond our Russian comprehension. The bus picked us up about an hour later right at the end of the path, and we rode home. Katya was so cute on the ride home. EVERYONE on the bus was asleep at one point besides Katya and I, and she stood up, laughed, and took a picture. Then I followed suit, and passed out too J

 

Sunday wasn’t as eventful, but consisted of just as much walking. I finally got to sleep in which was much needed. I took the metro to meet Katya at the Peter and Paul Fortress by 1pm, but needed to get off at a different stop on a different line since the one closest one was closed. I changed lines a few times and went with a stop I’d never gotten off on or even been close to. We decided to go to Peter the Great’s Summer Gardens since it was closer and just as wonderful. Though the Summer Palace modestly set to the left of the entrance, is clearly baroque, the rest of the garden shows so much European influence with its marble statues and symmetrical layout. AH AND SO MANY TREES. It’s a breath-taking garden. I’ll put those pictures up on facebook when I post this. We walked from the Summer Gardens to the Winter Palace, past the Small Hermitage and Old Hermitage, and underneath the overpass leading the Hermitage Theater. There are 5 total buildings that the Hermitage Museum is comprised of: The Winter Palace (the really big sea-foam colored one), the Small Hermitage (to the left of the winter palace from the Neva), the Old Hermitage (to the Left of the Small Hermitage from the Neva), the New Hermitage (right behind the Old Hermitage, with the large Man statues holding up the overhang), and the Theater (to the left of the Old Hermitage from the Neva). We parted ways, but not before deciding that we would go to the Peter and Paul Fortress Monday aka tomorrow.

When will my body rebel against all of this sun and walking 4 or more consecutive hours at a time? If Mexico taught me anything, it’s the answer to that question: Soon…

5/29. Fridays are amazing regardless of where you are on the map. Especially when Canadians are involved.

Early class again

I’ve stopped trying to be Ms. Sylvie “I’m good so I won’t get yelled at” anymore. I sat in the front Siu-juan, who is from China, and just smiled the whole class. We laughed when we didn’t understand something and Elena’s English wasn’t sufficient enough to explain. We laughed when she would sternly correct our grammar or scold us for giving the wrong answer. During the last 15 minutes of class or so, 2 new students were brought in to join our group. They were 2 girls from Canada, who I later found out are with a larger program run by McGill University.

After class I really wanted to introduce myself and see where they were from/what they’re deal was so I lingered and ate an orange. The boys in my class made comments then about what a great mood I was in and how smiley I was. They asked if my boyfriend had sent me a letter and that’s why I was so giggly. I said not quite, but he gives great advice. The group of Canadians congregated outside the classroom, waiting for an orientation tour to begin. They all have very different backgrounds, and are here for different reasons. Some are students, some graduated a while ago and just applied to the program. One of them is Ukranian-Canadian and wanted to learn another language, another is an opera singer who studies at Princeton’s college of music. A few of us exchanged phone numbers, so I look forward to hanging out with them throughout our trips.

I walked down to the Neva and set myself up with a book by the main University building. I’m reading “Revelations With God” (same guy who wrote Conversations With God). I would recommend it to my Atheist friends, devout Catholic friends, loved ones who are Agnostic…pretty much anyone who is open enough to read one man’s conversation. No need to be religious, or believe in one certain God-it’s not that kind of revelation or book. Seriously, just go for it. It’s beautiful and extremely thought provoking. I read for 2 hours as the wind whipped through my hair and the sun warmed my bones. It felt good.

I walked back to McDonalds for my date with the Internet and smiled the entire way back. I’ve been smiling a lot more since this whole beautiful place business occurred. It feels good. 

5/28. Beautiful amazing perfect day

And a new day it turns out to be.  My Russian class began at 9:30 this morning, I needed to be up my 7:30, have breakfast, and get out the door by 8:30.

Class was good. It was in a different university building about 3 blocks from the Neva, located in an old red building that smelled of kitty litter. It was cute. This was my first class with the other teacher. Lidia doesn’t speak English, so that makes her explanations a little difficult to understand, but she really is such a sweetheart. She could definitely be a little more demanding of us, but her lessons give us a nice break in the week from always being on our toes with Elena.

Though I felt I learned a little in class, I did only have one goal for the day: to find a beautiful place.

I brought my camera (you can see the pictures on facebook!) and photographed everything. I walked for three hours, going up and down different blocks to the Neva, along the river, across to Nevskiy Prospekt, down to the Hermitage where I sat by a big fountain, surround by proud and very drunk St. Petersburgians (..?) who were celebrating the birth of their beautiful city (founded in 1703, making it 306 years old!) I absorbed their energy, packed up and kept walking. St. Petersburg has arguably the best weather anywhere right now. It’s about 32 degrees C, clear blue skies, and a wonderful and constant breeze.

When in doubt, go for a walk. After finally settling down at café mcdonalds, I was sweaty and smiling and really happy. Then, to top it off, I got to talk to my mom and dad simultaneously. I work out a lot of things going on in my life by talking about them and accepting or changing them. I can’t operate functionally by bottling up how I feel, even if they are great feelings, and then expect a good outcome. I gotta taaaalk about it, ya know? I love talking to my parents. They both offer such unique perspectives on every situation, I feel so lucky to have such a great relationship with both. I’d chalk that up to their parenting skillz-they really allowed me to grow in whatever way the wind was taking me, and never tried to force me to feel a certain about their ideas. They encouraged me to be exactly who I am. AHH I just love them so much!!

My mom and I talked about the straight faces the observed Russian citizens are consistently sporting. It’s not healthy to bottle up how we’re feeling was the conclusion. The other day when I just wanted to skip around and sing then chose to repress those wants…not great. I left my Russian Internet palace with a fresh perspective. I’M NOT GOING TO TRY TO FIT IN ANYMORE.  I’m weird and like to express how I feel by making faces. I’m no longer concerned with the consequences of smiling.

Thus, I smiled the whole way home J

5/27. Tamara returns for a day...but only to make me eat more food, god bless her.

I’m so warm right now. Practically over heating. I drank my tea so fast, as I was “encouraged” to by Tamara. Tamara, when she’s back here, has a tendency to talk to herself a bit and then hover. She’s a lovely woman, but the hovering….

So it’s Wednesday, and what I’ve cumulatively done throughout the day, amounts to very little. So therefore, I’m going to sum up what’s going on.

I’m adjusting to this place. Today was a hard day on the emotional front.

I went home feeling frustrated with myself. Feeling frustrated with my state of mind that I had been encouraging into a slump of discontent and further loneliness. Sometimes I get so wrapped up in the fact that I’m becoming unhappier, that I forget to acknowledge it and try to do something about it. That is kind of a big step.

I was advised to find a beautiful place: a place where I could take in the moment and adjust my outlook on what I wanted my experience to look like here. By this point in the evening, however, I was pretty hungry. I headed home for dinner, showered (omg) and watched Step Up (thanks Leel). AHH. A new day comes tomorrow. I look forward to that. 

5/26. Tuesday...

I’ve learned that my class schedule is subject to change. Which is silly, because I have an Architecture class to schedule bi-weekly around my Russian classes. As of right now, I have Russian from 12:50pm to 4pm Monday through Wednesday. Thursday and Friday, my class begins at 9:30am and lasts until 12:40. This week, my Thursday class is in an entirely different building. I can only hope I find it.

I went to school about an hour early because I’m really into the book I’m reading and wanted to enjoy it by the Neva. It was so beautiful and warm today. I made my way over to the edge and stood against a stone railing, which curved outwards toward the river. I was perfectly content, until I started feeling uncomfortable. I’ve always been observant, but my senses have heightened since this is a very new place. I kept seeing the same man walk toward me, move slower while he was right around where I was standing, and then after I’d give him my best evil eyes, he’d walk away and disappear for a bit. I changed my location because after he did it the first time, I got paranoid he was going to rob me or something. Then he came back and left, and starting walking back again. Even though I was giving him the best disgusted, get out of here looks I could muster up! I decided to head into school 20 minutes early because the way he kept looking at me was off and making me uncomfortable. I stood in the lobby getting my ID out of my bag, and saw the man walking up the school. I just thought, “You’ve got to be kidding me”. I showed my ID and went through the turnstile as the man walked through the door. I rushed up the steps and ducked onto the 2^nd floor towards my class. Then I realized my class wasn’t open yet, and walked back to the stairwell. I didn’t know where he was so I just waited behind a pillar, looking as shady as a nervous bank robber I’m sure. Sure enough, as I was coming out of hiding, the man walked right by me. He was walking away from the stairs, which was tremendous news, so I booked it upstairs to a break room. It’s a big open space with lots of people and desks to read or write at. I didn’t see him again, but was super uncomfortable. Maybe he was a student or maybe he was a stalker. I don’t intend on finding out.    

Class today was good. We are moving at a vigorous pace as my teacher (the one for Monday, Tuesday, and Fridays) told us. She was a little unpredictable today. We would be moving at an alright pace through exercises, but if someone stumbled, she would get a little irate and start yelling about paying attention and how the pronunciation wasn’t good enough. At home, I’ve gotten used to the sweet and loving Russian tone spoken by my host mother, and finally again by her mother, Tamara. I haven’t seen host-babushka in over a week. Anyway, this loud shouting was an honest new experience for me. Luckily, the yelling was not at me. She likes my handwriting and pronunciation apparently. This particular teacher also likes to announce when students have done a good job and when they have done a poor job.   One thing I’ve noticed about not just this teacher, but two from the other group I was in as well; they pick favorites and sort of utilize this favorite to make the other people in the classroom feel inferior. In my last class, it was Sylvie, a girl a little older than myself from Switzerland who was learning the language with little to no problem. If one student couldn’t answer the question, the teacher would roll their eyes and ask Sylvie to say the correct answer. Sylvie would oblige because what other choice did she have? Say the wrong answer and then risk being reprimanded with everyone else? It’s frightening being scolded in Russian! So, I guess…I have become this class’ “Sylvie”.

My weekdays have been ending pretty much the same way for the last week. I end up at McDonalds, checking emails, writing them, updating le blog, and chatting with my most lovely and wonderful friends and family back home. And, of course, my haiku master J

5/25. First day of school, round 2.

My first day of class with a new teacher and new group. We went through the alphabet, talked about proper annunciation, worked through some vocabulary words, and called it a day. Elena, my teacher for Mondays, Tuesdays, and Fridays, is extremely articulate. She says that is what the Russian language is famous for and expects nothing less than perfect Russian from us. I am one of 6 students, and the only girl.

From what I can tell, class is going to be exactly as she describes; vigorous. Above all other things, I’m looking forward to being able to communicate with my host family. being able to ask for things in public properly will be nice, but I want to talk to the people I live with! I know Tamara has lived through so much change in this country; I just want to know what she knows.

I felt like this in Mexico last year. Luckily, I have a structured and “vigorous” program ahead of me to help quench my thirst for conversation. Vigorous…RAWR. So aggressive. 

5/24. The Hermitage

...i'll fill this in with something soon.

5/23. .....ITS SATURDAY!!!!!!

Today was cloudy and rainy. I didn’t leave the house once today. It was amazing and just what I needed. Irina and her boyfriend left around 1 to go to the ballet, so I took full advantage of having a house to myself. I pranced around, listened to ABBA really loudly, did dishes, cleaned my room, took pictures of the house to put on the blog, showered, did laundry… tweezed my eyebrows… Basically everything I could have done to either pamper myself or organize.

I ate dinner with Irina and her boyfriend when they came home. That was awkward haha. At one point, Irina left us alone for a few minutes, and I’m pretty sure he was thinking the same thing J

I finished the night writing letters, and watching a movie. Sometimes it feels great to run around, finish errands, see sites, ponder your existence in this world… but other times it is just as productive and fulfilling to enjoy the simplicity that is drinking tea at your kitchen table and writing a letter to a friend. 

5/22. FRIDAY YAY!!!!!!!

I had class at 9:30 this morning, so there was no dilly-dallying around the house. I was up and out and in comfy moccasin shoes by 8:30. After multiple calculations and thorough testing, I’ve determined that it is a 45-minute commute. It is about 50 in heels but that has only been tested once so that information shouldn’t be cited.

Today was pretty normal. Not as stressful in class as Thursday. I think it’s because the teacher is less intimidating. She seems less crazy. Also, the room was a more comfortable temperature. I found out I’ll be starting with my new group on Monday! YAY!!

Before leaving school, I ran into Diana (from Colombia). I can make small talk in Spanish, and can understand most of what she’s saying in her language, so I’m trying to use that as much as possible until my Russian is adequate for conversation. She can definitely speak English; she just has a really hard time understanding in class. The teachers go from Russian to English the whole time. Spanish is rarely if ever spoken in Russia, and never used at school. She was probably so lost when she first got here. Oh well, we’re buddies now, so no more of this being lost and alone business. If you can’t speak even the tiniest bit of another language, please go and do that.

I went to pick up my registration after taking a walk by myself around the Neva River. Ann-Karin ended up being really booked all day so I took advantage of having no plans, and explored.

It was funny, I was in this great mood after talking to Diana (we’re planning on hanging out a lot), and so I left for my self guided walking tour, turned on my iPod and “Jerk” by Muscles (please, please listen to this) came on which is such a great song. I’m laughing right now reliving this J. So I walked outside, and all I wanted to do was dance around the streets and sing “WOOOOOO!!!” throwing a fist in the air each time that part played in the song, but KNEW that would not be acceptable on the streets of St. Petersburg. So I tried to walk like a straight-faced/hardcore/freakin’ Russian, but just kept giggling. This went on for the duration of the song. My heart is happy when I think about this strange and beautiful moment.

I walked next to the Neva, down the street next to the main building of my pretty pink school, through an unkempt garden path leading to the military museum (they have a military museum?!). I walked back to the main building to wait for an hour until the office would let me pick up my registration, and found myself in the middle of the annual Philology and Arts celebration. Apparently this is a celebrated day in St. Petersburg. The study and teaching of languages is looked upon and commemorated each year…isn’t that awesome? They release this huge pyramid of balloons into the sky, listen to music in their big courtyard of statues and manicured bushes, and as the women walk around in, yes you guessed it, heels, the men take pictures and smile. I wrote my Dad a letter as I observed this glorious event.

I beat the crowd to the Registration office, talked with Ann-Karin for a bit, and made my way back to the Metro. Oh and I saw Sul-ki at the office too. She’s actually here to become a missionary. She’s invited me to her church next Sunday, which I obviously said yes to. Who wouldn’t want to attend a Korean Protestant Church service in Russia? I wonder if they stand during their services. Did you know they didn’t/don’t have pews in Churches here? They embrace the sacrificing for your Lord concept.

Something I’ve noticed about Petersburg is that the weather is truly unpredictable. It can be a beautiful summer day when you wake up and leave the house, but by the time you’re leaving your job or school, its raining and grey. The weather has a tendency to change hourly. It also doesn’t really get dark till 11pm. Like right now, it is 10:21 pm and I can see everything outside my window perfectly. For those who go out and wish to explore and party till all hours of the evening, it is perfection. For those of us who go to bed by 11, we need the blinds. The White Nights of June shall be spectacular.

Look up the White Nights in St. Petersburg if you don’t know what I’m talking about.